jack straw, a young man with a friendly face, approached a wise man sitting under a tree by the side of the road to the great city of san antonio.
good day to you, jack addressed the wise man, can you tell me how far i am from the great city of san antonio?
the wise man looked very old, like he would have difficulty rising from his seated position without help.
how far do you think you are? the wise man asked, in the annoying way many wise men have of answering a question with another question.
i asked you first, jack replied with his friendly smile.
so you did, and i asked you second, the wise man replied, with an even friendlier smile.
do you sit here all day asking questions? jack asked. and do you get hungry doing so?
i sit here wishing someone would come along who would carry me to wichita, the wise man replied. but as you are the first person to come along in three days, my answer to your question is - yes, i am very hungry.
wichita! jack exclaimed, i thought this was the road to san antonio.
it was, the wise man replied, but it has been diverted to wichita. the great emperor has caused the river to the sea to be damned up , forming a great lake on which he may build a great pleasure dome for his latest favorite, and thus has destroyed the bridge over the river which connected this, the western half of the road to the city of san antonio, to the eastern half . the western road has instead been connected, rather hastily, to the road to wichita.
but i must reach san antonio jack expostulated, as i have purchased a bride in that famed metropolis, but have only so many days to redeem my purchase.
and is the bride beautiful? the wise man asked.
i sincerely hope so, jack replied, in no way discomfited by the personal nature of the sage’s enquiry.
does the bride have a name?
she does, but i have forgotten it. i am not much for reading or writing, and i travel light, so i do not wish to burden myself with a scrap of paper on which her name could be written.
look here, the wise man said, as fate seems to have thwarted your chances of claiming this treasure, how would you like to join a band of robbers, who have so far been making quite a successful proposition out of waylaying wayfarers on this new new, hastily appointed road, which suffers from a lack of properly trained imperial troops?
i do not think i would care for it all, jack replied, as i am of an extremely timid nature, and it was only the throes of a most desperate passion which drove me out on to this high road to begin with. and you, venerable sir, am i to understand that you are an agent of this band of miscreants?
i take my commissions in this evil world as chance throws them my way, young man. i can also direct you to the imperial guard, if you would like to be fed and clothed while undergoing their what i am told is a not very rigorous training.
but i have just explained to you that i am a miserable coward, jack retorted. i would no more wish to fight bandits than to join them.
oh, you would not have to fight them. you could desert as soon as you completed your training, having taken a few week’s advantage of the emperor’s bounty.
such a proceeding hardly seems honorable.
it may not be honorable but it is ancient. cowardly rascals have been doing it since the dawn of civilization. in fact it is said that cain himself employed it, after his unfortunate altercation with abel.
jack had no reply to this. he wondered if the world was quite what he had imagined it to be.
