Saturday, May 26, 2018

stranger in town


by fred flynn




a stranger came to town.

he appeared at mccarthy’s coffee shop, the only place in town a stranger could enter without a password.

little eddie saw the stranger and ran and told sheriff john brown.

sheriff john brown moseyed over to the coffee shop.

he found the stranger enjoying a plain espresso and a five berry yogurt.

howdy, stranger.

howdy.

mind coming with me and answering a few questions? it’s just a formality. you can finish your yogurt.

i do not mind at all, the stranger replied, and after leisurely finishing his espresso and yogurt he followed the sheriff over to his office.

have a seat, said the sheriff, and the stranger did. the sheriff sat down behind his desk.

tell me something about yourself, the sheriff said.

there is not much to tell, the stranger replied. i have lost my way and lost my memory and do not know who i am, so i wander through this mysterious universe as best i can.

perhaps i can help you out, said the sheriff. he took a small notebook out of the top drawer of his desk.

the sheriff tapped on the notebook. i have a list of questions here, he told the stranger.

i am kind of ignorant, the stranger told him, and not very good at answering questions.

that is not a problem, said the sheriff, as there are no right answers to the questions. there are only 20 questions, and they are multiple choice, with each question having four possible answers. are you with me so far?

i guess, the stranger replied.

there are 1,099,511,627,726 different possible sets of answers, but not nearly so many humans , so by matching the answers on file from the test you must have taken previously, we can quickly match you with who you really are. are you ready?

as ready as i am going to be.


here is the first question.

alice’s favorite color is

a. red
b. yellow
c. blue
d. green

green, the stranger answered.

question number 2: bob’s favorite food is

a. pizza
b. cheeseburgers
c. french fries
d. chocolate cake

french fries


question number 3: corinne describes herself as

a. a feminist
b. a socialist
c. an artist
d. a lost soul

a socialist

the questions continued. when they reached question 17, the sheriff announced, i think we have a match, but we will finish just to be sure.

all right.


question number 20: tony is

a. ready but rough
b. debonair
c. his mother’s pride and joy
d. just a guy

debonair, the stranger answered.

very good. you are edward clayton morgan, of sector 233 of the illinois galaxy, and you are wanted for the murder of your wife and your best friend. an old story, but always a sad one. i will make the arrangements for your return. your wandering days are over, my friend.

thank you, said the stranger. i should feel some relief, but i can not help feeling somewhat disconcerted by these proceedings.

oh? and why is that?

are there no more secrets? no more mysteries?

secrets! mysteries! the sheriff laughed. no, and no more strangers.

and, the sheriff added as he put the notebook back in his desk, soon there will be no more towns.



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