once upon a time there was a mighty billionaire.
he lived in a castle on an island deep in the bermuda triangle.
he had four sons, named aurelio, gonzalvo, michel, and patrick.
one day he summoned them to his office. outside, a great wind was blowing, and the sea around the island was choppy.
i have summoned you here today, the billionaire announced, because i have a task for each of you.
he paused, but all four stared at him without speaking.
the billionaire cleared his throat. i am giving you these tasks, he continued, because i wish you to prove that you are worthy of inheriting any part of my fortune. each of you will have a different task, and one year to achieve it. we will meet here in one year’s time, and you will report as to whether you have succeeded,
and then what? asked aurelio.
and then, the billionaire answered, we will proceed from there.
the four looked at each other out of the corners of their eyes.
all right, said gonzalvo, what are the tasks?
you, aurelio, are the handsomest of my sons. therefore i give you the task of finding the ugliest woman in the world and making love to her.
neither aurelio or the others spoke, and the billionaire continued.
you, gonzalvo, are the ugliest of my sons and therefore you are assigned the task of finding the most beautiful woman in the world and making love to her.
just like that, huh, gonzalvo replied.
yes , just like that. and you, michel, have always been the greediest of my sons so you will find the skinniest woman in the world and make love to her.
and finally, patrick, as the biggest wimp snd snowflake among my sons you will find the fattest woman int the world and make love to her.
how, asked michel, are we supposed to prove we did all this?
go to a drugstore, dummy, or on amazon, and buy a camera. that is all. i will see you all in a year’s time.
the four brothers met outside beside the elevator which would take them down to their boats and off the island.
aurelio was the first to speak. what kind of sorry-ass bullshit was that? he asked.
that was some sick shit, gonzalvo agreed.
the old man is living in some sort of medieval fantasy world, said michel. he doesn’t understand modern ways.
you got that right, said patrick. i, for one, have no intention of trying to achieve, as he put it, his ridiculous command.
it’s all bullshit, said aurelio, he was going to cut us all off anyway. he is just fucking with our heads.
michel laughed. he didn’t even promise us anything if we did the things. we will proceed from there. yeah, right.
the others nodded, and the elevator arrived.
none of the four made any attempt to comply with the billionaire’s program, and they went their separate ways.
aurelio got a job in a bait shop in woods hole on cape cod, and married a woman twenty years older than himself.
gonzalvo decided to write screenplays, but spent most of his time in a sports bar in albany new york, where he became a familiar figure and often ran small errands for the other patrons.
michel met a woman who was passionately involved in various feminist and environmental causes, and became her faithful ally and companion.
patrick became a monk and retired to a hut in death valley.
the billionaire had his army of spies keeping track of them, so he was disappointed, but not surprised, when none of the four showed up at the island on the appointed day.
a tear fell from his eye on to his desk.
miss gray, his faithful secretary of forty years loyal service, was standing behind him when the tear fell and she put her hand on his shoulder.
life is sad, she said.
thank you, miss gray, i am glad there is still some compassion left in the world. the billionaire put his hand over miss gray’s hand, which rested on his shoulder.
after a pause the billionaire continued. the little bastards will never know what they passed on.
a father’s love, said miss gray.
yes, and a bit more than that. they laughed at my studying the old ways and the old magic, but what they did not know was that i had succeeded in summoning a spirit - not a demon who wanted my soul but a benign spirit - and that spirit has opened the door to me of all the wealth in the universe. how would you, miss gray, like to share that wealth with me?
i would be honored, sir.
and so the billionaire - who was now so much more than a billionaire - married miss gray and they lived happily ever after.
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